Relaxing

Is it me, or is it really difficult to relax in this environment?  This last week was our spring break at the College, but I have spent every single day working (I'm taking the weekend off to spend with Daddy and you, Jules).  I've been either homeschooling you--which has felt alternately really cool and really overwhelming--and doing my own work...to the point that Daddy asked why I'm working all the time.

I'm working because I'm anxious.  I'm working because I have this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, and trying to relax feels really pointless.  You've been sick, we are homeschooling, my students at the College are coming back, only to have to move out in a day, everything has been cancelled, Nagyi is isolated in her home and cannot travel anywhere, and everyone I know has been affected by COVID.  So I do what I always do when I get anxious- I do my work, I do the thing that's natural, that I would do every day, the thing that makes it feel like I have some sort of consistency in my life.

I do my running for the same reason (and because my doctor isn't open and I can't get more antidepressants).  Tomorrow we will do a run for 3.21, World Down Syndrome Day; you and Daddy will do 3.21 (in a stroller, not touching anyone) and then I will do the other 10.  And then we will have a picnic, by ourselves, isolated from others.  But at least it will feel "normal." 

Right now, I hear kids playing in the neighborhood, laughing, enjoying the sunshine.  Perhaps when you feel better you can join them and life will not feel so isolated.  For now, though, I have you and my germ-free work.